


I've Been Thinking Out Loud

by allisonmartined



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-24
Updated: 2012-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-31 16:13:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/346031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allisonmartined/pseuds/allisonmartined
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin, lead singer for a folksy band, and Morgana, drummer for an elctro-pop band, start a whirlwind of a friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Been Thinking Out Loud

The beats thrum in his ears, and Merlin leans back, letting his ipod guide his mood.  There's a girl on the bench next to him.  She's all black hair and long legs and she's moving around, anxiously.  Without warning she yanks the wire from his ear and listens.  She's laughing and he's not sure if it's at him, or what, exactly.  She smiles, kinder, and puts the wire back in his ear and runs away towards the oncoming bus.  Merlin shuffles his way towards the bus, dropping the ipod in his satchel.  He sits next to her and she smiles mischievously.   _Morgana_ , she says offering her hand.  He shakes it awkwardly and mumbles _Merlin_ back.  

 

_Forever is a long, long time when you've lost your way_ , she's singing quietly while thrumming her hands like drumsticks on the seat in front of them.   _I'm in a band_ , she offers randomly.   _Oh?_ he says, lamely.  She chuckles at that.  She grabs her hair and ties it in a sort of knot.   _And you, Merlin?_ She drags out his name and he rolls his eyes.   _Not in a band_ , he says.   _Too bad_ , she laughs as she steps off the bus, _I only date band members._

 

 

_  
_

He may have lied. Sort of. Yeah.

 

 

_You told her you weren't in a band?_ Freya laughed. _Rude!_ Will exclaimed, nearly impaling Merlin with a drumstick.  Arthur shook his head, as he took his guitar from it's case.   _And why didn't you tell this girl you weren't in a band? Is it because of the name? Because I don't want to change it again._  Freya rolls  her eyes in Arthur's direction.   _Maybe he was embarrassed of you, prat._  Arthur snorts, _If he's embarassed of anyone it is definitely William._ And then,  _Rude!_  And now Will doesn't have any drumsticks.  On the plus side, he managed to hit his target this time.

 

Their next show was a small one, but Merlin always enjoyed the smaller ones.   _And this is Bright Tuesdays!_ The announcer said in what Merlin thought was supposed to be an excited tone.

Merlin and Freya sang into their microphones as the song ended.  It was a good night.  

Arthur brought his arm over his shoulders in a sweaty hug.   _Merlin, mate, we should drink, yes._  Merlin laughed and they made their way to the bar.  

_Shots!_ Freya giggled and the four of them downed the tequila in one go.  

He's got his arm drunkenly slung around Freya and Arthur when he hears a loud cough from behind him.  He pivots the bar stool so he's facing the cougher.  

All he sees are breasts. No, no, there's a girl and legs and _shit_.  It's Morgana I-only-date-band-members. _I thought you weren't in a band_ , she says with a quirk of her eyebrow.

_Is this her,_ Arthur buts in with a nod, _she's hot._  Morgana rolls her eyes with a smirk.

_Shut up, prat,_ Freya says, standing up.   _Hi, I'm Freya.  Yes, Merlin's in a band and no, he doesn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend or anything.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm all liquored up and I see some girls I want to take advantage of me._  With that she marches over to a dark skinned girl with curls. 

Morgana looks at him, bewildered, and they laugh.   _That settles it then_ , she says with yet another smirk.

_I think I need coffee or something,_ he says more to himself than anyone else.   _You want to go to my place? It's close_ , Morgana says with a sympathetic smile.

_Arth--_

_Yeah, yeah, I'll get a cab._

_  
_

_  
_

They walk outside and already the cool air on his skin is making him feel more himself.   _Sorry I lied_ , he says sheepishly.

She bites her lip, _Why did you?_ He sighs,  _Honestly? It just came out._

 

_  
_

 

Her apartment _is_ close and he can't think of anything else to say before they get to her door.  Her apartment is bigger than he would expect, with nice homey looking furniture and shelves and shelves of books.  

_No drum set?_ he asks and she shakes her head, _I keep it at my sister's, where we practice_.  Her hair is strait and down and he's letting himself admire her face and the way her eyes light up.  She's fixing coffee and he scans her books.  Mostly classics, he notices.  He's counted _twelve_ copies of Wuthering Heights and _eight_ copies of Hamlet.  

_Do you read?_ she asks, coming up behind him, handing him a cup.  He smiles.   _I'm more of a Crime and Punishment person, myself._  She wrinkles her nose.   _I prefer the Brontes._  He points to the eight Hamlets.   _But you like To be or not to be?_  She shrugs, _How can you resist Shakespeare?_  He doesn't answer that.   _Plus I'm a big Ophelia fan._  He shakes his head lightly and she doesn't push it.  

 

 

They sit on the couch, sipping.

 

 

_I like your band_ , she says after a while and at first it doesn't really register that she has said anything. He looks up, a tiny smile. _It's very,_ she bites her lip looking for the right comparison, _Death Cab meets Mumford & Sons_. He laughs into his cup. _Without the banjos, you mean_. She smiles widely and nods. He stares off, his gaze lingering on a stack of music sheets on the coffee table. _We've been together for three years. Twelve names._ His eyes crinkle at that. _Will, our drummer, is my best friend since infancy. Freya, you met her_ , he chuckles, _she's much less, um, forward when she's sober. We dated for a bit when we were teenagers and then we decided we just didn't feel with each other the way you're supposed to feel. And later on, she decided she rather liked girls. And Arthur, well, Arthur is, I guess he's my best friend too. We became friends in university and we've kept it that way._ He glances in her direction and bites his lip. _Sorry, too much information. No!_ she taps her hand on his knee, and quieter, _I like listening._

 

 

 _And you? What's your band like?_ He asks, shifting her pointed attention. She smiles, as if she can see into his thoughts. She sets her cup onto the table and folds her hands around her knees. _We're kind of,_ she flails her hands around a bit as if trying to grab the right explanation, _The Ting Tings meets The XX meets_ , she bites her lip, _Florence and the Machine. Sort of._ She laughs and he smiles. _That makes sense,_ he says and she tilts her head in a question but he just grins. _And as for band members_ , she lifts her hand and wiggles her fingers at that, _I play the drums, obviously,_ she laughs. _There's also Morgause, my sister, and then Nimueh and Mithian._ She takes a sip of her coffee. _All girls, huh?_ he smirks. She laughs, _Women. And don't get any ideas, Indie Boy_. He coughs. _Indie. Boy._  She rolls her eyes, _I'm sorry. Banjo Boy._   He looks at her in mock shock. _Oh, okay, Bjork._ She squeals, _I take that strictly as a compliment, I will have you know._  He grins.

 

 

They take a deep breath and laugh. _Thanks_ , he says finally, _for liking us.  And for this._

 

 

 

It's three hours, and the sun is starting to peak into the darkness of the night and they're still there on the couch discussing music and their friends and their lives.   _I have to go_ , he says with a yawn, _I have a job, you know._  She laughs, _Oh, really._  And then a pause, _Do you work tomorrow?_  He taps his fingers on his leg in thought, _Yeah, but I don't have to go in until around midday._  She nods, _Coffee tomorrow?_  He smiles and nods, _I'd like that. There's this place I usually go to where my friend, Elena, works_. He writes down the address before he dashes out of her door.

 

 

 

He gets a text a couple of hours later.  "Morgana" comes up on the screen and he smiles.   _Hey, I exchanged our numbers when you were still too smashed to think strait.  Yes, I am a stalker like that._

 

 

 _Stalkers are the new friends, didn't you know?_ He texts back twenty minutes later.

 

 

 

The cafe they're sitting in is called Margot's and it is decorated in a sort of faux french sort of aesthetic.  Morgana is sitting across from him, curling a hand around a latte. _Come here often?_ She smirks.  He gestures towards the blonde barista behind the counter.   _Elena dated Arthur.  Briefly.  We've been friends ever since then._  Morgana chuckles, _Since she dumped him?_  He grins, _You assumed she dumped him! Very good.  Elena will love you.  She did, of course.  Dump him.  They're kind of from different worlds, universes even._ Elena arrives with his mocha and she's giving him a very pointed look and Morgana gives him an arched eyebrow.   _Oh. Oh! Elena, Morgana. Morgana, Elena._ Elena smiles as if to say _Very good, Merlin, I see you've remembered your social skills._ On closer examination it's pretty obvious how Arthur and Elena didn't work out.  She's wearing a pair of very worn jeans and a green tshirt that says _Be nice -- Save the ice!_

 

 _So you're the one Merlin went home with the other night?_ Elena is saying with a smirk. _Elena!_ Merlin groans.   _What,_ she says, _Freya and her new "friend" came by earlier and gave me all the deets._  Morgana laughs, _I wouldn't say there were deets._  Merlin nods, _Definitely no deets._  Elena nods as if to say _Yeah, okay, right._   _Elena,_ he warns.  She rolls her eyes.   _Okay! No deets, I get it!_  She laughs as she saunters off.   _But if I hear otherwise I am coming after you personally for lying to me, Merlin Emrys!_  Merlin shakes his head.   _She thinks she's threatening,_ he mutters and Morgana grins.

 

 

 

 

They have coffee _whatevers_ for a while like that.  He wouldn't classify them as _dates_ exactly.   _Dates_ presume a certain kind of relationship and well nothing has happened like _that_.  Not that he wouldn't welcome it.  Because, let's be honest, he would, he would _more than welcome_ that.  But it's not, they're not.  It's like this, and he's happy with this.  

 

 

She and her band, Ophelia, (he laughs when she tells him and she grins, shoving him lightly) have a show and he convinces the band and Elena to come too.  They don't need much encouragement.  Music is music.  

 

Freya bounces up to him in line in front on the club and she's pulling a girl behind her.   _This is Gwen_ , she says giddily with a hint of shyness, and the girl smiles at him in a _Hello_.  They wrap their arms around one another and Merlin thinks that this might be the girl from their last gig, but he doesn't ask.  Arthur arrives with Will, both of them looking thuroughly annoyed and Arthur gives him a look that says _Don't even ask_.  

 

The music is like, he can't even describe it, there's something purely addicting about it.  He watches Morgana, the way she plays is mesmerizing, he's memorizing her movements and the way her face is intent in the moment.  When the set is over, he finds her on the side of the stage.   _You were amazing,_ he breathes.  She bites her lip, smiling.  It is only when she puts a hand on his shoulder that he realizes how close they're standing, how he's got her backed up against a wall.  How did he do that?  He lets go of a breath and she breathes in.  Suddenly everything is too warm.   _Yeah?_ She asks and he nods. _Do you want to_ , he says pausing, _go outside?_  She takes his hand and guides out to an alley.

 

She leans against the brick building and he rests his shoulder there too.   _Merlin?_ She asks and he gives her a quick nod.   _We're friends right?_ He looks at her in confusion, _Of course._  She bites her lip and pivots her body so that they're only inches apart. _So,_ she breathes, _it would be really weird if I kissed you, right?_

 

There's a beat and then he's pulling her towards him, crushing their lips together.  There's a breath and a sigh and a smile.   _So,_ he says.  And they laugh.

 

 

They could chalk it up to tequila and adrenaline.  They _should_.

 

 

 

The door opens, and a blonde head appears.   _Morg, Nimueh and Mithian want to know if we want to go back to their place.  Hey, Merlin._  Morgana nods and Merlin lifts his hand in a wave. _Yeah, okay_ , Morgana says and disappears with Morgause.  Merlin slumps against the wall.  What the hell just happened?

 

 

 

_For the record, you kissed me._ Her text says when he checks his phone the next morning.  He rolls his eyes and leaves her one word before he drops his phone in his pocket and leave's to meet Will at Margot's.   _Mature._

 

 

_  
_

_Mate!_ Will yells too loudly, _Where did you run off to last night? Anything interesting happen?_ Merlin rolls his eyes. _No_ , he lies.

 

 His phone buzzes and he glances at it.   _Maturity is for the old._ He shakes his head, biting his lip and texts _And immaturity?_ Will is looking at him incredulously.  There's a buz and _For the awesome._  He rolls his eyes and palms his phone back into his pocket.   _You are such a liar, Emrys,_ Will is saying with wide eyes, _Something totally did happen, and I'm betting it was with that Morgana chick._ A pause. _I cannot believe you won't tell me!_  Merlin just laughs and takes a sip of his coffee. _Speaking of hot chicks, though..._ Merlin sighs and wonders if falling asleep would be rude.

 

 

 

_Ugh, are you coming to this party tonight?_ Arthur says through the phone a few days later, _I cannot deal with one more night of Will and his pouting.  He has become absolutely insufferable._  Merlin quirks an eyebrow.   _And he wasn't before? I seem to remember you saying something about him being the most annoying person on the planet._  Arthur sighs loudly, _Exactly! My point, exactly, right there.  And he's gotten worse. Ever since ..._ Merlin moves the phone over to his other ear, _Ever since he became obsessed with Mithian, I know. And, I guess, I don't know.  I guess I'll go.  Is Freya and Gwen going?_  Arthur coughs, _Speaking of, are we 100% sure this Gwen is gay?_ Merlin laughs, _I think we can be pretty sure_.  Arthur grumbles something is the background. _I thought you were dating, um, Sophia, anyway?_ Merlin says as he hears a knock on his door. _God, no.  Don't you listen to anything I say? It's Vivian, Merlin.  Viv-i-an.  And speaking of insufferable --_ Merlin hangs up the phone midsentence as he opens the door to Morgana.  His phone buzzes. _I hate you._  He laughs and says _Hello_ to Morgana as he texts back, _The feeling is mutual._

 

 

_  
_

They're trying so hard for it not to be awkward that it turns out that it is, in fact, incredibly awkward.  But Merlin's slowly figuring out that that's not even the biggest problem.  The Problem is that when he looks at her, he feels different.  Like his chest can no longer contain his heart and damn, this is going no where good.  They're sitting on his couch and she glances up at him and their eyes meet and suddenly her eyes go from unsure to determined. _Okay_ , she says forcefully, _I figure we've got about five choices, here._  She stands up and paces for a moment and then sits back down, drawing her knees up so that her arms can wrap around them.   _We can, one, throw ourselves into a romantic relationship._  She doesn't even look at him and his breath hitches.   _We can, two, try the whole friends with benefits idea._  She smirks at that.   _We can, three, pretend it never happened, which honestly we're not doing a very good job of.  Four, stop seeing each other all together.  Or_ , she breathes, _five, we can see where it takes us._  She chances a look at him and says quietly, _What do you think?_  He takes a breath, stands up, does a bit of pacing himself, and thinks.  He bites his lip and then looks at her, really truly looks at her. _Five, no labels, just us?_ He means it as a statement but it comes out as a question and Morgana is suddenly standing in front of him with what he thinks might be hope in her eyes.  She kisses him, _And this_ , she says.  He kisses her back with more meaning this time and she smiles into his lips and he's not sure how they ever went without this.

 

 

 

The party is at Mithian and Nimueh's.  He sees Morgana across the room and they share a smile and this is good, he decides.  Arthur is alone and pretty smashed by the time Merlin arrives and Nimueh is patting him on the head with a semi disgusted face.  Will is dancing with some friends of Morgause's and Freya and Gwen are sitting in a corner, wrapped up in one another.  Yep, definitely gay, Merlin decides.   _Merlin_ , a sultry voice whispers in his ear.  It's unmistakibly Mithian and Merlin turns to her and grins.  She's giggling into her hand now. _I hear you've won the heart of our Lady Morgana,_ she says with a gleam in her eye. _I, uh, what, I don't, uh_ , he sputters.   _Don't be shy, Merlin dear, I think you two are wonderful.  Oh, and Merlin? I'm the nice one, remember?_  She says with a wink.  Maybe this party wasn't such a good idea after all.

 

 

_She just kind of figured it out,_ Morgana sighs when they're alone in the kitchen and Merlin shakes his head and smiles. _I suspect everyone knows now,_ he says with a chuckle.  It's not like it was a secret and he hopes that Morgana didn't want to keep _him_ a secret because that would just not settle right with him. _We're okay, then?_ She asks and he can tell now that she was worried and he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. _We're better than okay,_ he says bringing his lips down towards hers.  There's a cough and Morgause and Nimueh are standing there and suddenly Mithian's words come back to haunt him. _I'm the nice one, remember?_

 

_  
_

In the end it wasn't too bad.  Words like _intentions_ were thrown around a couple of times but all in all Merlin thinks they got through the party relatively unscathed.

 

 

 

_Merlin Emrys! I swear to God! I knew you were lying to me, you lying liar! William told me about you and Morgana, you prat! Elena's voice is shrill as it permeates it's way through his answering machine. You could have told me! I'm supposed to be your--_

_Elena, shut up.  It's early and it hurts, I want to sleep, come back to bed._

_  
_

Merlin chokes on the coffee he's drinking when he hears Arthur's groggy voice filter through Elena's rant.

 

_Speaking of liars,_ Merlin texts her, _you're fucking Arthur again? For shame._

His phone buzzes almost automatically and, _Shut. Up._

 

 

 

_  
_

_No fucking way_ , Morgana squeals over coffee at Margot's.  Elena isn't working so Merlin figures that they are safe from any attempts on their lives.   _I guess we're old news, then,_ she says.  They laugh and he can't breathe because how is this happening?   _So_ , he says, nervously, _What would you think about going on a date?_  She smiles at him, _You mean without coffee?_  He laughs and nods.   _Pick me up on Friday at seven?_

 

_  
_

Friday comes too soon and God, is he nervous.  There is dinner and candlelight and wine and they laugh and talk.  He thought it would be different. He thought it would be awkward.  Dates are always awkward with him.  But it's not.  Because it's Morgana.  And yeah she's wearing a dress that makes him want to push her up against a wall and ... yeah.  But it's Morgana.  She's talking about the relevancy of The Beatles as she sips her wine and he thinks, _I'm so in love with you_.  He doesn't say the words out loud, but they're there in his throat making their presence known and they won't go away. 

 

 

They're at her place, sitting on the couch and his thumb is playing along the delicate skin of her wrist. _Merlin?_ she says and before he can answer she is on top of him, her thighs straddling him.  And he gulps.  She kisses him mercilessly and he kisses her back with all of those words he never says.  Her hands are under his shirt pulling it over his head and he's pulling down the zipper at the back of her dress.  She pulls on his hair and grinds down on him simultaneously as if to say _Faster_.  He fumbles with the dress until it's finally off of her and he stares down at her.  She's so beautiful.  She smirks and bites his lip.  Stay in the game, Merlin.  Her hand are at his zipper and soon she is pulling his pants off, throwing them across the room.  He kisses her neck, and then her shoulder.   _Bed. Room._ he bites out.  She grins and hops up.  He groans inwardly as she sashays away from him.  He watches as she reaches behind her and unclasps her bra.  He watches it fall to the floor.  When she reaches the bedroom door he sees her final piece of clothing drop from her body.  She's laying on the bed, giving him a look that could surely kill.  He rids himself of the rest of him clothing and settles on top her.   _Morgana_ , he groans.  There are gasps and moans and it ends with a shaky laugh and a _This was definitely a good idea._

 

 

 

Gwen and Freya, who have become quite the dynamic duo, sit across from him at Margot's.   _You love her, you idiot, just spit it out._  Freya is saying.  Normally he would think that Freya was being a little brasin, but he's known all of their adult lives that a coffee-less Freya was not a pretty one.  Gwen looks at him pityingly and pats him on the hand, _The thing is, Merlin, Freya is right.  You guys are as close to perfect as possible.  And the only reason that things are even the littlest bit weird is because you are keeping this secret from her._

_It's not a secret!_ he protests.  She eyes him, _It is when the last time you guys poperly talked about your relationship you guys basically said 'we'll see'._  It's actually scary how well she knows them considering how little time he has spent with Gwen.   _Trust me, just tell her.  It'll be fine._

 

 

_Hey Mate! So, Elena told me you know about our thing.  Anyway, so long story short or whatevs, I broke up with Vivan. Hey! Okay, she broke up with me.  So not the point.  At least this time you'll be able to remember her name?  Point is, man, I really like her.  Beep!_

 

Merlin smirks and texts, _Good luck, Prat. :)_

 

 

 

 It's time to meet Morgana at Margot's and he can feel the anticipation itch in his bones.  She's not there when he gets there and he thinks about turning around and going home.  He thinks about forgetting about all of it.  They could continue this way without using words, with just using touches and laughs.  They could do that. But it even sounds wrong in his head, slightly off kilter.  He has to say the words, because the words are burning a whole through his tongue and they're eating away at him.  He has to say the words, he has to get them out.  

 

Twenty minutes pass and she doesn't show up.  He's walking down the sidewalk when he hears his name on the air.  She's running towards him, her hair flying everywhere around her face.  They're facing one another, both looking at the other with what could be described as fear.

 

_I love you._

_I'm in love with you._

 

They say it simultaneously and he laugh and she grins. _Really?_

_Yeah_ , he says, a breath.

 

_I thought --_ she says, _it doesn't matter._

He kisses her and she smiles into his lips.

 

 

 

He's walking to work with a grin plastered on his face when his phone buzzes.

 

_Are we in a mature relationship now?_

 

He laughs and texts, _I guess that makes us old._

 

_Ancient._

 

_  
_

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Major thanks to those of you who kept me inspired and motivated. Title comes from the song Morgana is singing at the beginning which is Lasso by Pheonix.


End file.
